


Behind the Scenes

by AnnaofAza



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Former Field Agent Merlin, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Original Character Death(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 18:57:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5176031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaofAza/pseuds/AnnaofAza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Death seems worse on the other side of the screen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind the Scenes

**Author's Note:**

> Originally a tumblr prompt, in which anon requested, "Merlin on dealing with grief and mourning over his first Kingsman agent death when he's Merlin, the tech. person behind Kingsman instead of a field agent? (Assuming that he's an ex-field agent who went into tech.)"

Death seems worse on the other side of the screen.

Merlin thought it would have been easier. But his fingers are still frozen over his keyboard, glasses still transmitting Agent Lamorak’s feed. He’s still choking on his own blood, and Merlin’s telling him “steady, steady, please hold on, wait for help…”

But help arrives too late.

Perhaps if he’d been there with Lamorak. Perhaps he could have staunched the bleeding. Perhaps he could have done something more than begging Lamorak to try to live a few more seconds. Perhaps he could have fired a gun into the sniper’s head. That might have been quicker than his useless shout through the glasses.

Perhaps he should have stayed Lamorak.

Merlin numbly presses the controls on his glasses to inform Arthur, who wearily replies, “We will have a toast in an hour, then, and will also need to inform everyone that they must start proposing candidates.”

And that’s it.

Merlin buries his head in his hands and lets out choking sobs in the privacy in his office for nearly three hours. He had failed. He failed as a handler. He failed as a Kingsman. He failed as a friend.

“It wasn’t your fault,” someone says from behind him, and startled, Merlin whirls around to see Agent Galahad standing in the doorway. “It wasn’t. Even if you were there, the bullet would have still killed him. And you, too.”

Merlin shakes his head. “I should have seen.”

“The sniper was behind him. The glasses don’t have three-sixty degree vision.”

“They should,” Merlin hisses vehemently. He then glances at the screen, still transmitting the darkness of the body bag. The zipper slightly gleams, and shuddering, Merlin turns off the screen. “I’m so bloody useless. I should have never…I should have stayed in the field.”

Harry tilts his head. “You kicked arse in the trials with tech. I’m surprised they didn’t snap you up first chance. That radio bomb?”

Merlin manages a watery smile. “I thought I’d get thrown out.”

“Nonsense. I liked it. And what you did with the hand grenade lighters…excellent. Much better controls. And the Rainmaker? The stun darts can knock out an elephant by now.” Galahad bows his head. “You belong here. It suits you.“ 

At first, Merlin doesn’t understand. "You’re supposed to be a proper arsehole.”

Galahad smirks back. “Doesn’t mean I can’t care a little. But for the record, this conversation never happened, and neither did this.” He brings out a familiar decanter from behind his back. “Arthur would have kittens, but you should be able to toast. It’s nonsense that only field agents do.” He pours Merlin one, then another for himself, and they solemnly clink glasses.

“To Lamorak,” Galahad says, and Merlin sadly repeats, “To Lamorak.”

Two days later, Agent Galahad chooses Merlin as his handler.

And Merlin agrees to try again. He won’t fail this time.


End file.
